Christ Church, The Message

Archive for April, 2008

Garrison Keillor on Methodists

We make fun of Methodists for their blandness, their excessive calm, their fear of giving offense, their lack of speed, and also for their secret fondness for macaroni and cheese. But nobody sings like them. If you were to ask an audience in New York City, a relatively Methodist-less place, to sing long on the chorus of “Michael Row the Boat Ashore,” they will look daggers at you as if you had asked them to strip to their underwear. But if you do this among Methodists, they’d smile and row that boat ashore and up on the beach! And down the road!

Many Methodists are bred from childhood to sing in four-part harmony, a talent that comes from sitting on the lap of someone singing alto or tenor or bass and hearing the harmonic intervals by putting your little head against that person’s rib cage.

It’s natural for Methodists to sing in harmony. We are too modest to be soloists, too worldly to sing in unison. When you’re singing in the key of C and you slide into the A7th and D7th chords, all two hundred of you, it’s an emotionally fulfilling moment. By our joining in harmony, we somehow promise that we will not forsake each other.

I do believe this: People, these Methodists, who love to sing in four-part harmony are the sort of people you can call up when you’re in deep distress. 

• If you’re dying, they will comfort you.
• If you are lonely, they’ll talk to you.
• And if you are hungry, they’ll give you tuna salad.
• Methodists believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray out loud.
• Methodists like to sing, except when confronted wi th a new hymn or a  hymn with more than four stanzas.
• Methodists believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital, even if they don’t notify them that they are there.
• Methodists usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is their way of suffering for their sins.
• Methodists believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially during their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate.
• Methodists think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while passing the peace.
• Methodists drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.
• Methodists feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.
• Methodists are willing to pay up to one dollar for a meal at the church.  
• Methodists still serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color of the season and think that peas in a tuna casserole adds too much color.
• Methodists believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously.

And finally,

• You know you are a Methodist when: it’s 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service.
• You hear something funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you   can.
• Donuts are a line item in the church budget, just like coffee.
• When you watch a Star Wars movie and they say, “May the Force be with  you,” and you respond, “and also with you.”
• And lastly, it takes ten minutes to say good-bye

Thanks Joe for the article – Webmaster

 Berit had a very busy schedule while she was home during January and February.  Edson enjoyed seeing our country and meeting the people.  He stated that, “Volunteerism is REAL in the USA.”  He was touched by those who used their resources to help people they don’t even know.  We would like to thank Ron and Ann Frette for hosting Edson during his stay in America.  Edson plans to take better care of his people after he returns to Tanzania.

Churches

• Odon United Methodist
• Providence Mennonite Church
• Sandborn Christian Church
• Berea Mennonite Church
• Memorial United Methodist Church (Terre Haute)
• Kingsley United Methodist Church (Sullivan)
• Bethel Mennonite Church
• Ft. Branch United Methodist Church
• Christ United Methodist Church
• Haysville Luthern
• Oaktown Lenten Breakfast
• Huntingburg Mission Committee
• Pleasantville UMW
• Vincennes Bible Study

 Schools

• Washington Catholic High School
• North Knox West Elementary
• North Knox High School
• North Daviess Elementary
• Purdue University

 Organizations

• Washington Kiwanis
• Jasper Rotary

Special Events

• Meeting with Bishop Coyner at his Indianapolis office
• Speaking to the community at North Elementary Auditorium (Washington)
• District Mission Training at Vincennes Community Methodist Church

There are 79 Methodist churches in our district.  The IOP committee is hoping to contact them and encourage them to invite Berit to visit with them and tell them about the needs of the children in the eight villages of Ilula in rural Tanzania, Africa.

 If you would like to know more about the Ilula Orphan Program, go to our website www.ilulaorphanprogram.org